Personal Accountability

In the news recently, a woman has decided to sue match.com because she claims the site did not do enough to protect her safety.  The woman met a man through the popular dating site and was sexually assaulted by him.  She is suing for no monetary amount.  Interestingly, she filed the suit as "Jane Doe" in an effort to protect her identity, but she later started doing the morning news show interview circuit with the hopes of "starting a conversation about sexual assault."

Before I get started, I do want to say that I feel badly for this woman.  No one deserves to have their trust broken, especially when it leads to violence.  Sexual assault is a very serious issue, and I will give "Jane Doe" credit for bringing yet another facet of this issue to the forefront.  There, now that I got that off my chest...

When I was a child, one of the lessons my parents always drilled into my head was to not talk to strangers. There were countless after school specials and assemblies in school that also really drove this point home.  Strangers were people who put razor blades in your halloween candy and who kidnapped you as you were walking home from the playground.  I guess that my parents and other adult figures did a good job with this message because it's been one that has stuck with me.

As you age you obviously need to interact with people who you know very little, if at all.  Some of these situations are out of necessity, like speaking with a clerk at a store.  Some of these are out of convenience, like when you are waiting in line at the DMV.  Then there are the times when we intentionally put ourselves in the presence of strangers, like when visiting any online community.  Regardless of how popular the community is, as educated and mature adults, it is our responsibility to maintain an air of caution when entering into these situations.

The Jane Doe in question was definitely lured into this situation, I will give her that.  She actually did not get assaulted until the second date.  Things had to be going well enough that she wanted to see the man again.  What really irks me about the story, however is that she didn't do any searches on his name until after she was attacked.  If she had the smarts to do that in the first place, why would she not do that before (or even after) the first date.  She would have found everything she needed to know and could have avoided this situation.  Additionally, this woman is 52 years old.  There is no better way to say this than "she should have known better."

I'm incredibly bothered that dating sites are now scrambling to find a way to further shelter their users from the harsh reality of life.  Match.com has already committed to screening current and future users against the sex offender database - although they have also admitted that Jane Doe's attacker would not have been flagged by the method they are implementing.  

While Jane Doe does make a valid point about safety and perceived safety on internet dating sites, it is my opinion that her lawsuit is a waste of time and resources.  Had she done her due diligence like many others who frequent internet dating sites, she may have avoided her traumatic experience.  What I still can't understand is why Jane Doe isn't taking responsibility for her own actions. I can't quite seem to grasp why she has to file a lawsuit just for attention, which will summarily ruin something for the rest of us.